You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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