textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Say something about gay babies.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
