Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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