I want you more than these girls want KFC
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
