Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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