I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
