i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
