Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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