life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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