I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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