Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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