Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize