I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
