i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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