Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
