Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this just has baby written all over it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
