Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
