Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
