Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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