I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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