I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
