my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
