He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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