Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
