Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
