My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
is this the sara with the beer cane?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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