so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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