i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
