He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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