Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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