I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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