areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
