Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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