you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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