Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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