That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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