You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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