We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
