I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
