Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
