There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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