It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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