Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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