My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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