god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
