I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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