you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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