I think I won the penis lottery.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
