Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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