Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
