Sry I called you an 8
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
