You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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