entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
