lets start a swedish sibling band together
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
