new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
