Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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