OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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